My Best Wishes

To someone, somewhere:

I wish you all the best in life. I thank you for sharing a wonderful part of it with me. I thank you for smiling and holding me close at my down times. I thank you for the wonderful person you were. I thank you for wonderful memories. I thank you for the love you shared. I thank you for the one and only joke you cracked out of nowhere on our daily routine ride. Maybe I have never said this to you, maybe you’ll never know. But when I’m with you I’m a worry free guy with high hopes, happy to know that my baby is right next to me.

You said:

I’m sorry I lied to you

I’m sorry I cheated on you

I’m sorry I hurt you a lot

I’m sorry for being a bad girl

My darling, don’t be sorry for any of it. Always keep that pretty smile on your face and rock n’ roll girl! Don’t ever think that you’re alone. I’ll always be there for you – not behind, not in front but right beside you. Whatever happened between us, it’s past gone. I can’t hate you even if I try. I’m sorry for the heartache if I’ve caused any. I never meant to hurt you. Maybe I’ll see you along the line and smile. You just be the sweet innocent girl I knew long time back. That’s who you are and that’s who you should be. “TATAA” – (hope you remember the “tataa” at the end of our conversations – I still miss it everyday).

Trapped

Well first of all let’s just point out why I’m blogging this. I’m more of a dude who rarely go out (a bit anti-social) these days. I’m mostly high on pot and occasionally drinking. The question here is why? Why am I wasting my life like this? The answer is simple and short – DEPRESSED. Yep I know that I’m pretty depressed because of how life is treating me. Pretty depressed about loosing my loved once. I’m pretty depressed about a few family health issues. I’m pretty depressed about how most of my “so-called” friends pretend to be someone who they are not. I’m pretty lost here. Standing out here confused, not knowing where to go or what to do.

When I’m high all these crazy experiences make me think of life itself. For instance just think of the world as a box. We’re trapped inside till our time comes. And when we die, does that mean that we’re free? Why would everybody fight for such a place? Why do we have no choice but to get hurt when we loose someone?

This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in higher powers. I do and yes, I fear god. It’s just that it has been 4 long years since I’ve been suffering. Almost everyday I’m crying inside with a fake smile on my face. I’m hiding from this world, scared that I might end up hurt again. Do I have to live my life with a fake image? Yes I’m scared cause I’ve cried enough and I don’t want to cry anymore. I’d rather live in my tiny room, smoke pot, watch “Yellow Submarine the Animated Cartoon” and smile as I watch it, tripping through thousands of colors, undefined shapes, and outstanding music, not in a state to be able to differentiate between reality and illusion.

Well I know I sound a bit insane and yep I’ll stop for now. If you find this blog disturbingly stupid, please do not come back again cause these are just my random thoughts and I’m blogging it because I needed to share it with someone (or something). I’m just trying to get every single thought out of my mind. Well I’ll blog sometime later again. Till than – PEACE OUT!